Five Frickin Winters

A Crooked French Affair

Download "A Crooked French Affair" Excerpt (pdf)
Comedy for a cast of ten and ideal for community theatre, ages 14+.


Perry, a wannabe playwright/director has written his first play, A Crooked French Affair, ostensibly a dramatic romance set in the royal court of Louis the 15th. When he pitches his play to the dysfunctional Board of Directors of the Pity Falls Community Playhouse, it throws them into a conniption fit. Against all odds, Perry’s play is selected, and now the real work begins with the cast of amateur, inept actors, who work on a set and in costumes designed by recruits from the local junior high school. Complicating everything is an undercurrent due to the affair between Perry’s wife and the husband of Avis, a board member who is recruited to play a part in Perry’s play. On opening night, the production loses its way yet creates a stunning audience reaction and a fortuitous discovery for Perry.


PERRY (PERICLES) Male. An aspiring playwright and director. He lacks confidence but is enthusiastic about his writing. Perry directs his own play in which he also plays the role of François de la Peyronie.
AVIS Female. Board member. Self-righteous, heavy-handed, and obsessed with the thought of getting revenge on her cheating husband. Agrees to play the part of Madame de Pompadour in the play-within-the-play.
FAWN Female. Chair of the Board. Overly sensitive, sentimental.
JAZMIN Female. Board member. Daring, outrageously so.
RUBY Female. Board member. Practical, conservative, and competent.
SERGIO Male. Board member. A player.
WILLY Male. Board member. Highly insecure.
CHLOE Female. Stage manager. Theatre expert, competent, confident.
CHEYENNE Female. A serious but struggling method actor. Plays Queen Marie. Narcissistic and entitled.
LOUIE Male. Ironically, plays King Louis XV. Initially, void of emotion on the stage. Can’t remember his lines to save his life.

Production History

March 2023 Staged Production, Fond du Lac Community Theatre, Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. A Production in World Premiere Wisconsin, 2023.
October 2022 Streamed Zoom Performance, Chicago Dramatists, Chicago, Illinois.
September 2022 Streamed Zoom Performance, Play Readings with Friends, New York City, New York

Commentary from Theatregoers and Readers

Just incredibly funny and spot on with its digs of the fragility of life and theater and playwrights and actors and the love that we all have for them all.
Perfect for a community theatre that wants to give its audience its money’s-worth in laughs.
Wickedly funny!
Don’t take any refreshments into the theatre when you see this play – you’ll be choking with laughter and blowing popcorn out of your nose!
This play moves like a rocket on rails careening from one hilarious moment to the next.
Each character is so distinctly and deliciously drawn, and each one so incredibly hilarious in their own way.